Five-Foot Nothin'

Blowing It

Before you draw your first breath, life has already set you up with special advantages. Some are born with gifts of intelligence, others with wit ,and others win the genetic lottery, etc. My special advantage? I was born a poor nerdy kid. Seriously.There are a number of advantages to being the school brain from a very humble home:

1. You never have to worry about what to wear to school. Whatever one of your sister's isn't wearing...well...there you go.
2. Deciding where to eat lunch is a non-issue. There are specific tables near the trash cans reserved especially for your status.
3. You have a lot of time to think freely without interruption...from anyone.
4. There's absolutely no reason not to go for it  with whatever freaky thought you have - You have no reputation to protect.
5. You  have the best toys in the world that never break: Your imagination and ingenuity.

I remember the first time I blew on a dandelion flower. I was four and my big sister told me to so I did it without knowing why. After my sister grew tired of my company, I diligently scoured the yard to find every last dandelion to blow. Halfway through the garden, my kindergarten imagination figured out what happened to all the fluffy white stuff blowing in the wind. The process became crystal clear to me:

First, you close your eyes and make the best wish you can make. Then, you take a deep breath and blow on the dandelion as hard as you can. And then, I was positive--the little white pieces floating off and scattering about, were in fact--fairies with the mission to carry out your wish. Furthermore, I was confident the reason why there were so many fluttering in every direction, was because they were individual fairies assigned to accomplish different tasks to make your wish come true. Tiny troopers each doing their part of the mission--helping one another--for the overall benefit of someone else.

This was of course, before anyone could tell me I should look at them as undesirable weeds. This was prior to anyone explaining the last thing I should want to do is blow on them, thereby, multiplying the 'problem'. Where grown-ups saw dandelions as a problem, I saw endless opportunities of hope with thousands of agents to make it happen. In fact, I never called them dandelions. They were 'wishflowers'.

So, as an incurably nerdy kid,  I always found myself free to wonder, imagine, explore and create whatever I wished. And once I grew (in age if not stature) I tried to make it a point to wish a lot...And then do something about it.

And then life happened. I grew up too much. I started seeing obstacles. I got sick.  I lost a dear friend. Life got messy. And so did my desk. And the house. And my yard. As I surveyed the lack of maintenance of the garden, I groaned at the thought of all the work the weeds were creating for me. Until the wind picked up and I--for the first time in too long--chose to see not a weed, but a wishflower.

I was blowing it. How many days had gone by that were full of weeds?  When did wishflowers become extinct in my mind? When did I forget that every day held its own magic unlike any other? And most importantly, how could I let another day go by without making a major change? So here it is (the major change):

I want to be a wishflower. Actually, not the whole flower, just one of the little seeds that when needs or wishes breeze by me, I take my little self and do what I can (with the help of others) to benefit  those around me--everyday. But talk is cheap--A person's got to really do something to make a difference. Thus, the blog site and my promise.

Beginning Tuesday, May 4, 2010 for the duration of 365 days, I will find a distinct way to be a 'human wishflower'--doing something different to bring a little hope, help or happiness regardless of what my schedule dictates--and record it in this blog.

Why? In one year (May 4, 2011) on the completion of my quest, I will use this journey as  material to launch one of my life-long dreams: a character-building program for school age children and teens accessible to all income levels nationwide. (more on this later) 

Why a blog? I'm a five-foot nothin' tiny piece of a wishflower. I'll take all the help I can get while I give. The end-result program will be so much stronger with the insights and actions of others. Not to mention how much more fun it will be...

Why May 4th? On May 4, 2009 I lost one of my best friends and more importantly, the world lost an angel that walked among us. The Five-Foot Nothin' Quest and end-result Children's Program are dedicated to her beautiful legacy. Her memory and the inspiration of my three treasures: Brendan, Francesca and Avana fuel my passion for what can be accomplished this year, for the benefit of generations to come. And that makes me feel ten feet tall.

Thank you for reading...Please subscribe and read on starting May 4th.

-D-

A Dirty Dozen

May 13th and Day 12 of the quest. (If this is your first time reading Five-Foot Nothin', read post entitled 'Blowing It' for quest explanation).

"I can give you a six-word formula for success: Think things through - then follow through." - Sir Walter Scott.

I could not agree more. Without question, one of the more challenging aspects of this quest is not to be inspired into a good idea, but to follow through on an idea and continue to move things forward.

Today, it is my pleasure to report that one of the Five-Foot Nothin' initiatives is moving forward. For those faithful FFN readers, you already know I applied to adopt a Scottsdale city road to keep it clean -- thanks to the inspiration of a driving litterbug and his pitch of Starbucks cup out his window. (See post entitled 'Total Garbage' for the whole story) And as most expectant parents waiting to hear back from the adoption agency, I've been anxious to know what is in store for me. And now I know:

Five -Foot Nothin' is now the very proud parent of a mile of Scottsdale roadway. I have just learned that we are the official sponsors of Scottsdale Road from Cactus to Thunderbird. Signs have been ordered and will be erected near both Cactus Road and Thunderbird Road in a few weeks. In the meantime, consider this posting the 'birth announcement'.

And now it's time to get busy -- Starting with recruiting. I'm looking for a Dirty Dozen to get out there with me and keep our city a place of pride.

• Yes -- That means picking up trash. I'll bring the gloves and Hefty bags.
• Yes -- That means you may get a little dirty. Look on the bright side: This is one of the few ways you can get a little dirty in public with a bunch of other people and not get in trouble.
• Yes -- That means you may sweat some. Just imagine how good the libations will taste after that, though.
• Yes -- I just said 'libations'. Are you kidding me? Did you seriously think I'd put this together and not arrange an after-glow party?
• Yes -- I just said 'party'. And I'm envisioning a swimming pool as part of the experience for our first outing...

For those of you who know me, you already know I'm serious about community service. For those of you who know me well, you know I that I take creating experiences and having fun while I work even more seriously. For those who I have not yet met, come join us and find out for yourself how good a couple hours of community service can feel along side of some energetic, positive people that love to play.

Interested in being part of the Five-Foot Nothin' Dirty Dozen? Great. Email me at: dolores@fivefootnothin.com with your contact information. See you on the roadside soon...

353 more adventures and stories to go in the quest. If you like what you read, please feel free to post your comments, subscribe or pass it along. Thank you for reading...

-Dolores McKay

Daddy

June 20th - (Representing May 12th) and Day 11 of the quest. (If this is your first time reading Five-Foot Nothin', read post 'Blowing It' for quest explanation). 

Parents: A touchy topic for many and a subject that is often considered 'too personal' to openly discuss. That is usually the rule. And I've never been very good with rules, so here we go...

Some people are blessed with a relationship with their father that is close, comfortable and filled with mutual admiration.

Others, have a strained-at-best relationship with their dads -- filled with unspoken tension and issues large and small that might never see the daylight of discussion.

And then there are the truly unfortunate ones -- With fathers who were hurtful, destructive or never bothered to show up in the lives of their children or the mothers left to raise them. Biologically, those men are still fathers -- And it is my sincere hope that if the latter is your circumstance, you find peace and resolve with your father while you two still have breath.

But today, I want to focus on the men who deserve the title of 'Daddy'. The honorable men who have truly given their lives to the children in their lives. These men may or may not be the biological father of the children they love and care for, but they are one of the greatest unsung heroes those children will ever have the unspeakable privilege of knowing. It is these men that deserve our praise today...Along with the women in their lives who honor them and the children who love them.

I wrote this a year ago, and today, send it out to 30 fine men who I believe, for one reason or another, might be blessed by the message.

Whatever your circumstance, I hope you have the chance to bless a father today with your words of encouragement. They deserve and need our help, honor and praise -- From all of us -- Their children, parents, wives, girlfriends, friends, co-workers and squash buddies. Really. Everyone. It's a tough job, but a priceless one. And their children -- And the world they inherit depends on it.

Daddy

To be a father
Requires a child
To innocently rely on strong hands
That reach for all you want, all you need
Until your own fingers can grasp your heart's cry

A child to crawl, to walk
And run into his open arms
Until the day you choose to run far past him
And fall into his arms once again upon running back

It requires a man to discipline you
Resent his authority over you
Take your mind’s blame for all the wrong in your life
Until you take responsibility for your own actions
And he forgives you

A man willing to fall short in his ambitions
To see yours stretch without limitations
Until the time his perception of success is redefined
And regret is released into greater joy

It requires a woman
To love the extraordinary part of him
That lives and grows within her
Until the moment its miraculous beauty draws breath of its own
And she sees him as more of a man each day he holds his child

A woman to adore the gift
He has given the entirety of the world
And the undeniable reflections
Of his strength and character

To love his irreplaceable role as a champion
To her most precious treasures
Even in times he does not adore her
Until the end of time itself

To be a father
Requires his supreme strength
Immeasurable devotion
Ultimate humility
His dedication of self to another life
Without the ability to control their actions
Or protect their destiny
Until the very last sigh of his breath

To be a father
Requires a world that acknowledges
His blood is no longer his own
Flowing for and within another
Who is meant to continue
His great work beyond his days

A promise that we who surround him
And his priceless gems
Will hold his children in a place worthy
Of his love and sacrifice
In all the corners of their world
He cannot reach
But we all influence

To be a father
Requires of us all
Love and respect
Our undying commitment
To honor an extraordinary man
Whose countless accomplishments
Can never be fully proclaimed
But instead, invisibly and enduringly
Forge a silent hero

            - Dolores McKay

354 more adventures and stories to go in the quest. If you like what you read, please feel free to post your comments, subscribe or pass it along. Thank you for reading...

The 21 Year Old Shirt

  May 12th and Day 10 of the quest. (If this is your first time reading Five-Foot Nothin', read post 'Blowing It' for quest explanation).

By the way, for those of you faithful FFN readers, I know -- You haven't had anything to read lately. My apologies. Life happens -- Sometimes in no small way -- And forces you to make choices. In this case, my choices were to:

1. Take the time to physically continue with the quest every day, or...
2. Write about the quest every day and sacrifice performing something new daily.

As passionate about words as I am, I will tell you with no apology how much more of a fan I am of action. It is so much more important to DO SOMETHING NOW...and write about it later.

So, I chose #1:  To stay true to the purpose of the quest, and perform action every day. And yes, I am grossly behind in reporting about it.

And as long as I am begging for forgiveness, please forgive me in advance that my reportings will not necessarily be listed in the order they were performed. I can assure you, that they are all authentic with the sincere motivations and responses stated.

Without further delay...Back to Day 10 of the quest:

In teaching seminars on Guest Service, I've become known for a phrase I've likely uttered hundreds of times: "If they want it, it might as well be oxygen."

As human beings, we often look at each other with judgment about what people 'need' -- What they 'need' to do, what they 'need' to say...what their family or relationship or career really 'needs' to succeed, etc. However, when it comes to evaluating our own 'needs', we have a lot of difficulty deciphering 'need' from 'want'. Our emotions, our desires, our undeniably tendencies for selfishness as human beings redefines what we 'want' and could certainly live without, into a 'need' that we are all experts at convincing ourselves we must have to continue breathing properly.

The line between real 'need' and actual 'want' is so blurred in our society...Most cannot truly distinguish the two in a moment of truth: Where you spend your cash. Really. Our society, despite the economy, is still sitting fatter and happier than most in the world. And that's the truth. And we all have more to give than we are willing to admit.

People have lots of 'reasons' why they are not currently giving. And most excuses are centered around the idea that they will give 'someday'...'Someday' when they feel they have what they 'need'...when they can then 'comfortably give'.

That makes no sense to me. We are human beings -- Giving is never comfortable -- it's against our nature. It will always feel uncomfortable to give something away.

And who said it had to be a lot? And who said it had to be money? And do people really believe that someone else's suffering, or life-threatening predicament or illness will wait until we are comfortable? It's ridiculous when you think about it. Everyone has something to give. It may not be a lot...maybe just a few dollars or if that is even too much, they have their time, or strength, or ideas. EVERYONE has something to give.

The other day, I had the privilege of meeting a man who does charity work in a third world country -- A land of people who have never seen cars or computers. They also have never seen water purification systems or immunizations. Every day in this land, people...especially the children are in danger of losing their lives. They truly do not have what they 'need' to survive. 

Although too modest to mention it himself, a mutual friend of ours pointed out that the charity worker was wearing a shirt my friend had given to him...21 years ago. This honorable man, truly knowing the difference between what he needs to survive and what is a 'want' and luxury, has spent his life ensuring all monies and material goods that come his way are used to their highest yield without waste. And that all other 'extras' go to those who have less than he has. Remarkable -- And completely humbling.

When the unexpected moment to potentially donate to this cause came about, I felt I didn't have much to give. I had five dollars in my purse...and that's it. With embarrassment, I pulled the modest five dollar bill from my wallet and apologized for the size of my contribution. The gentleman looked confused and corrected my apology. "What are you apologizing for?" he asked. "You just payed for 10 doses of penicillin that will save 10 lives in the jungle."

I was stunned. My five dollar bill...that might cover a latte and tip...just payed for the hope of 10 lives. Lives that would not wait until the day I think I can 'comfortably give'.

Whoever you are and wherever you stand...please...find a way to give..whatever you can or however you can.

355 more adventures and stories to go in the quest. If you like what you read, please feel free to post your comments, subscribe or pass it along. Thank you for reading...

- Dolores McKay

Slow and Tempting

May 11th and Day 9 of the quest. (If this is your first time reading Five-Foot Nothin', read post 'Blowing It' for quest explanation).

If you are a regular FFN reader, then you know that on May 10th I committed to writing a cookbook with proceeds going to The Arizona Partnership to End Childhood Hunger. If not -- Well, now you are up to speed on today's adventure.

I woke up today and had a panic attack. A cookbook? Did I seriously just promise I'd write a cookbook in the next couple months? The tough questions began stabbing my brain:

• What is the theme of this book?
• What type of recipes?
• How many recipes?
• How much is it going to cost to produce the book?
• Who's going to publish it?
• How many copies should I print?
• How will I sell it?
• What about pictures?

And then I remembered something I once told a good friend of mine from Tennessee: "As soon as I get the vision for my project, I'm in over my head." Truer words, I have never spoken.

My ability to think big has never matched my stature. And I have never let the fact that my big ideas are more than I can handle. stop me. That where all of my smart friends and colleagues have always come in. Collaboration is always the way to go to really get things done -- And done well. I'll take all the brains I can borrow and enjoy learning from experts who are much smarter in a particular area than I am.

But in order to get help, you have to have a clear enough vision to know what you are asking for -- A clear and defined of your intention and what your ideal is like. 

I needed to slow down -- To take a step back and think what it was I really wanted to accomplish. Well, that was simple: To preserve the health and welfare of children by ensuring they are never without good food.

Eureka! That was it. It would not be enough to simply raise money to buy food for hungry children. It is essential that the food in their stomachs is truly nourishing -- without harmful artificial toxins or pesticides. And...As long as we are feeding the children the best foods, why not 'feed' their local community by highlighting the importance of buying locally grown and produced foods?

There was no doubt in my mind. The cookbook would be themed around the Slow Food Movement. In case you are not familiar:

Slow Food is an international movement founded by Carlo Petrinicuisine in 1986. It strives to preserve traditional and regional and promotes farming of plants, seeds and livestock characteristics of the local ecosystem.

The Slow Food movement incorporates a series of objectives within its mission, including:

• forming and sustaining seed banks to preserve heirloom varieties in cooperation with local food systems
• developing an "Ark for Taste" for each ecoregion, where local culinary traditions and foods are celebrated
• preserving and promoting local and traditional food products, along with their lore and preparation
• promoting "taste education"
• educating consumers about the risks of fast food
  
• educating citizens about the drawbacks of commercial agribusiness and factory farms
  
• educating citizens about the risks of monoculture and reliance on too few genomes or varieties
• lobbying against government funding of genetic engineering
  
• lobbying against the use of pesticides
• teaching gardening skills
• encouraging ethical buying in local marketplaces

From time to time, Slow Food intervenes directly in market transactions; for example, Slow Food was able to preserve four varieties of native American turkey by ordering 4,000 of their eggs and commissioning their raising and slaughtering and delivery to market.

So, not only had I found a theme to the cook book in this day's adventure, but an improvement of my vision -- The inclusion of The Slow Food Movement.

Oh, and by the way -- the working title of the book: Slow and Tempting.

356 more adventures and stories to go in the quest. If you like what you read, please feel free to post your comments, subscribe or pass it along. Thank you for reading...

- Dolores McKay

Operation: Area 33

May 10th and Day 7 of the quest. (If this is your first time reading Five-Foot Nothin', read post 'Blowing It' for quest explanation).

I'm at dinner at a local neighborhood restaurant when my daughter helps herself to my plate of spaghetti and meatballs. She bites, chews and makes her disappointment clear with both her face and comments. "Not very good," she says. Although certainly not a compliment to the dining establishment, it was a great tribute to her mother --She loves my cooking.

As I retold the story to a friend later that evening, their response was: "Of course she liked yours better. Your cooking rocks. You need to put that on your Bucket List: Write a Cookbook. It'll be an insurance policy -- We'll all be sure to keep eating your awesome food...Even if you don't stick around the planet to cook it." How thoughtful -- I think.

For the record, I am no chef. It is true that I am the daughter of a culinarian and have spent my entire career working with great chefs from all over the world. I adore cooking -- and moreso, eating -- and I'll admit that cooking is one of the ways I express affection to those I love. But I don't pretend to be the next Julia Child. (impossible at my height, anyway...) And it is also true that I've never taken the time to write any of my recipes down. Mostly because I don't measure much -- if at all. And I live very much in the moment. Who has time to stop the creative process and record everything, right?

And besides -- What would the point be? Why should I? What difference would it make if I did? I am not so vain to think my edible creations could change the world. Or could they?

Food is around to nourish a human being -- plain and simple. Both body -- and if executed correctly -- as well as spirit, are fed with a good meal. But not everyone has that experience with food -- especially those who have it in scarce supply.

That got me thinking. While adults can take responsibility for their food choices and purchases, children are reliant on the decisions of grown-ups for their nourishment. And not all parents have the financial ability to give their child the nutrition their growing bodies deserve. That is when it becomes the responsibility of the community around these children to step in and help. Even though I may not act like it all the time, I am a grown-up. Which means there are children in my community counting on me to make good decisions on their behalf.

I went home and did a little research. Here are some startling facts regarding children in Arizona and their food supply:

• One in five children are living in food insecure households. They are either hungry or their household is close to running out of food.
• For children to have consistent access (government assisted) to a nutritionally adequate diet, families need to earn at least 185% of the federal poverty line. A family of four earning $44,400 is at 200% of poverty.
• 12% of children are living below the federal poverty line.
• A child is born into poverty in Arizona every 33 minutes.

Every 33 minutes. Sobering, isn't it? Well, that did it for me. Compared to the culinary expertise of my professional chef friends, my collection of recipes may not be very important. But what if I created a cookbook specifically with the intention of raising money to better feed the children of my community? Now that would be important -- Life-changingly important.

Thus, the creation of Operation: Area 33 -- The purposeful intention to battle against the hardship that occurs every 33 minutes -- A child born into the world who will be hungry. That is unacceptable. In my mind, if I can't cook for them all, then I can cook up something to change the odds. 

I have registered Five-Foot Nothin' as an official partner of The Arizona Partnership to End Childhood Hunger and have committed to the fundraising project of creating a cookbook and having the proceeds go towards feeding the hungry children of Arizona. The project starts now and I expect a finished product for purchase by the end of July.

These days, I cook away in the kitchen as much as ever. But now, I'm more diligent about exactly what I'm doing -- Knowing there are children all over my community counting on me getting those recipes right. And somehow, by adding a dash of making a difference -- Knowing what those recipes will do -- Well, my culinary creations have never been so satisfying.

More on this project in future posts.

358 more adventures and stories to go in the quest. If you like what you've read, please feel free to post your comments, subscribe or pass it along. Thanks for reading.

- Dolores McKay

Mother of Real Men

Sunday, May 9th and Day 6 of the quest. (If this is your first time reading Five-Foot Nothin', read post 'Blowing It' for quest details)

It's Mother's Day and I'm looking forward to an indulgent brunch with my kids at Ocean Prime. An experience prompted by my son, Brendan's suggestion (his current place of employment) and lured by the promise of blueberry stuffed French toast and lobster Benedicts -- I had much to anticipate.

Above the enjoyment of great food, it was touching that my son wished to treat his Mom at 'his place' -- Very cool. It is wonderful to catch a glimpse of your children's world outside of...you.

Without question, my favorite part of visiting my son's work is observing how his managers and co-workers respond to him. Watching their genuine positive reaction to his presence, I can see that he is truly an important and enjoyable part of the team. That means a lot to me and makes me incredibly proud.

And then there have been the wonderful moments when his managers have gone out of their way to sincerely tell me how terrific my son is -- How much Brendan adds to the team and what a fine young man he is. Well, it doesn't get any better than that.

That got me thinking...Besides the cards and tender words from my children, the best Mother's Day gift a woman could get is to hear from someone else -- without solicitation or gain -- what wonderful people her children have grown to be. After all, that is the whole point to motherhood: Having the privilege and responsibility of helping a little person come into the world and lovingly preparing them to live out their own purpose in the world outside of yours.

And so, after a decadent brunch with my children filled with blood orange mimosas and handcrafted gifts (beautiful), I spent a few moments alone and sat down to write a card for another mother. A mother I have never met.

She is a mother in Alabama who raised three sons. Three extraordinary sons that grew to be real men. And a couple of those men have forever changed my life for the better.

I met these brothers last year out of complete chance (if you believe in such a thing as 'chance').

Not long after we met, I learned these brothers were coming to the aid of a family desperately trying to solve a life crisis. They opened up not only their hearts, but their home and all other generosities to their friend in need, their entire family and traveling friends. It was a beautiful gift to the family that few would ever entertain, let alone commit to doing for an extended period of time. Although I appreciated their character before, I was quickly educated how truly special these men were. It was beautiful but painful, inspiring but humbling and a true honor to watch their story unfold and know with all certainty, how irreplaceable these men were.

Then, the unexpected crept into my life and the bottom slipped out from underneath me for a bit. And without much warning, I found myself the beneficiary of the strength and character of these two men. And with all their generosities, perhaps the greatest gift I have received from them, is the privilege of  a front row seat to learning more about why they are such extraordinary real men.

There is the Iron Man -- both of body and mind, who ensures that both his body and life acumen are stronger every day. With a personal story worthy of documentary on HBO or ESPN, his level of commitment to not just being his best...but being continually better...is inspiring. And while his athletic commitments have him running 20 miles a day quite often, he equals that diligence by studying deep into world issues -- dusting aside surface facts to uncover deeper truths. And then there is his commitment to his friends. Loyal, trustworthy and kind, there are countless many who benefit from his fierce friendship.

His brother is the Superhero. At least, that's exactly how he appears to me...without the cape and tights.  It seems whenever sinister forces threaten my  well-being -- whatever the situation -- he is right there. A record-holding former collegiate athletic star (maybe he can leap tall buildings in a single bound), he was born with the heart of a champion that is obvious today in every aspect of his life and character.  With seemingly superhuman positivity supplying enough wattage to electrify a major metropolitan city, the world is much brighter wherever he is. Armed in a rare honesty and grounded values that seem to make him impervious to bullets of  vanity, greed and deception -- His presence is the safest, most desirable place to be. One of the most diligent people I have ever met, he lifts a locomotive-sized load of responsibility  every day -- Lending a hand to anyone else without prompting. Disguised in humility, he can't fool me. Every day I see through his secret identity a little more and catch him in the act of being the most remarkable person I've ever met. I gratefully learn from him each day.  

There are no words to express my gratitude to these to great men -- I'll keep trying, but in truth, none at all could ever do justice. 

However, the least I can do is let the mother of these remarkable real men know she has some extraordinary sons that make the world a better place to live for me and so many others. Happy Mother's Day, Cecile.

358 more adventures and stories to go. Thanks for reading. If you like what you saw, please feel free to post your comments, subscribe or pass it along.

-Dolores McKay

Born For More

Saturday, May 8th and Day 4 of of the quest.

It's my daughter, Francesca's 14th birthday. And while formal plans for a proper celebration would not be on that day due to scheduling conflicts of family members, the day -- in my mind -- is clearly hers.

I am not the mother that regales her child every year about the details of their birth. Unlike movie stereotypes, I do not annually recount the moment I went into labor, how many pushes it took to bring her into the world, etc. Not that I do not remember all the graphic details vividly, it is simply that I wish to focus on one particular moment about the birth of my children: The moment I met them face to face and was unspeakably overjoyed.

That is the moment I celebrate every year on their birthdays. And every year there is more to celebrate. Because they are so much more. More than I could have ever imagined.

Being a kid is tough business. All of the expectations...From teachers, parents, siblings, coaches, etc. And being 14 is really rough. I mean, it is "How did I ever live through it?" really, brutally rough.Now come all of the expectations of your peers. Are you cool enough? Are you 'too cool'? 

And then there are your 'friends'. Or at least the people who used to be until they decided that you are no longer 'friend material'. And beyond the friend realm, you have to wonder, "Am I girlfriend/boyfriend material?" (Although I firmly believe 14 is too young to date).

Practically everything you are doing at that age, you are doing for the first time. Which also means the probability of you messing up is pretty high. And since your 14 year old peers have an underdeveloped sense of compassion at that age, there are plenty of people around to point out all of your short-comings. No question about it: When you are 14, you have it rough.

I watched my daughter put a lot of pressure on herself that day not to let anybody down. And while there were certainly gifts planned for her, I realized there was one gift I desperately needed to give her.

As parents, it is our job to set clear and firm expectations for our children so they don't run around terrorizing the planet. We do it because we care, and we want them to grow up with every skill necessary to live a long, healthy and happy life.

But the fact of the matter is, that most kids hear too much about the expectation - specifically where they fall short - and not nearly enough about how they have exceeded our expectations. How much more they are than we could have imagined on the day they were born.

And so, my birthday wish for Francesca is for her to know she is MORE...more than I hoped for in many ways, and...if she's anything like how most of us were at 14, more than she knows...

Francesca, You are:

1. More beautiful than what any boy could possibly tell you. So many will try - All will fall short. Period.
2. More giving than what you can currently give. I know someday, when you have yours, you won't keep more than your share.
3. More compassionate than what some would advise. Fortunately, you know whose advice NOT to take. Your heart is immense. (please remember to protect it)
4. More forgiving than I think you should be. And then I remember you were born to teach me a few things...like to remember to forgive even those who might make you sad. Hard for me to remember that one.
5. More inquisitive than some would like. Too bad for them - They could learn a lot from your questions
6. More charming than your father would like. You're going to give him a heart attack.
7. More passionate than most. Good. Great, actually. Most people (unfortunately) are not nearly as engaged in life as they should be.
8. More clever than you should be for your own good. Remember to use your powers for good, not evil. I trust you'll always strive to.
   
9. More aspirational than you talk about. I know you have dreams you don't mention (I want your dreams for you, too) I've always thought it was more important to DO IT than to talk about what you are going to do anyway...
10. More hopeful than you get credit for. One has to have great hope to feel great disappointment sometimes - Good for you for letting yourself hope - even if it leads to disappointment.
11. More strong than you know.
12. More playful than some can handle. Whatever. Fun-suckers. I hope you keeping playing...and laughing for the rest of your life.
13. More talented than you've had a chance to discover. There are so many things you have a talent for that you haven't even tried yet. It will be so much fun to watch you find them.
14. More irreplaceable than you will ever know. Life without you is unimaginable and would no longer be my life. Your presence, hopes, dreams, disappointment, accidents and successes - I would trade for nothing in the world. I couldn't. You are truly irreplaceable.

Happy Birthday, 'Ces...

360 more adventures and stories to go. If you like what you read, please feel free to post your comments, subscribe or pass it along. Thanks for reading.

- Dolores McKay

In The Bag

Friday, May 7th and Day 4 of the quest. 

A tough day at the office. Actually that's not quite right. It was fantastic day at 'the office'. However, a really long week of driving hard and keeping your chin up can get tiring. And no matter how well you can cow-girl up when it counts, you are going melt down -- at least a little bit -- in front of those you love. (unless you have serious repressive tendencies...but that's a whole other blog...)

The funny thing about blowing off emotional energy is that you know the world is not ending. Your brain knows that the Earth will continue to keep spinning and whatever angst you are experiencing at the moment is not be capable of catapulting you out of the stratosphere -- It only feels that way sometimes.

The strange thing about pain -- all sorts of it -- is that most of it is not life-threatening. The majority of times your heart aches is not due to a coronary. There is no major surgery required to sustain your life.Yet still...it can ache as if shattered...for a little while... or until a mild application of tenderness is applied by someone else. It is incredible what a well-chosen word at the right moment can do to repair an aching heart.

Greater still, is how utterly remarkable the perfect, unexpected gesture of kindness -- delivered without hesitation in the moment -- can completely transform a moment and mend an injured spirit.

Yes. I was upset that day. My heart hurt. So I decided to apply some retail therapy to my wounded soul and found myself wandering around at an outdoor mall. I walked around -- window shopping only -- and began to tear up. And of course, my nose started to run. I remember wishing, "My kingdom for a tissue," when I noticed a little girl, perhaps 4 years old, had tripped, fallen and broken out in tears herself. It didn't appear that she was bleeding or otherwise seriously injured, but it was clear her heart hurt in addition to her knee.

Across the way was a children's clothing boutique. And in the window was a small, stuffed animal puppy. I quickly purchased it and stepped over to the still weeping girl's mother and asked permission to offer her daughter the toy to cheer her up. The mother gave me a look of gratitude and her authorization. I knelt down and explained to the girl that the puppy needed a friend and asked if she thought she could take care of him for me. The little girl quickly drew the stuffed pet to her chest and her sobs began to subside.

And my heart began to feel better, too.

How fortunate that the children's store was right there. But what if it wasn't? I would have felt helpless. And what about the handful of keen people that walked past me? Did one of them wish they had a Kleenex in their possession to offer me? And what about my friends? Wouldn't it be great to have a little pick-me-up in my pocket when I know they are down?

And that's when it hit me. What I needed was to create a bag of an 'emotional first aid kit' and carry it around with me to be prepared for that perfect moment.

But what to put in the bag? I decided to use the five senses as my guide:

1. A cloth handkerchief (smell - or rather the reinstatement of the ability to smell) I bought a few. I figure I might go through a few of those...
2. A small stuffed animal puppy (touch) I can't bear to watch a child cry.
3. A miniature box of chocolates (taste)  "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." Not to mention the instant happy factor of heavenly, chocolately goodness...
4. A library of itunes songs (sound) The perfect song for the perfect moment that can be gifted straight from my phone to theirs
5. A copy of Maya Angelou's book 'Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now' (sight) Every page of that book is fantastic. So it occurred to me: The moment I interact with someone is just that -- A single page in the book of their story. So why not (with the right person in the right circumstance) just tear a page out of Maya's brilliance and give them a moment of inspiration?

I am aware that a box of chocolates will not solve world hunger. I realize that a handkerchief can't wipe away a serious issue. And I admit that any page ripped out of the book does not contain the formula to happiness. But to be there and do something - show someone out right that you care in the precise moment of need...Well, I do know that is perhaps the most effective salve for an injured heart. And I intend to be prepared to administer whatever first aid I can, whenever I can.

I will update you on highlights of my usage of the 'first aid kit'. Until then, thanks for reading.

361 more adventures and stories to go. If you like what you see, please feel free to post your comments, subscribe or pass this along.

- Dolores McKay

Who Cares What You Think?

Thursday, May 6th and Day 3 of the quest:

Another day, another trip to the grocery store. An old friend of mine is coming over for dinner and I've got but minutes to pull all the ingredients together and get home.

In a perfect world, I'd have a detailed, well-crafted list of ingredients. But the world is a little less than perfect and I am certainly no where near perfection. Instead, I wandered around Whole Foods, with no list and no time for a second trip should I not remember every little thing needed.

White balsamic vinegar? Check? Meyer lemon? Check. Vino? Well, there was no chance of me forgetting the wine, but that's not the point.

On my way to the wine cellar, I passed by the cheese and gourmet meats station. And while I needed nothing that resembled either fromage or charcuterie, I took a direct path to the front of the service counter. Why? Because of what I was thinking.

When I first arrived at the store, I noticed one of the sales associates named Tripp was just returning from his break. And while I believe that particular store has some of the best customer service associates of any, I couldn't help but think to myself, "Oh good...Tripp is here. He always makes it fun to stop at the gourmet deli section. I wonder if they've got anything new. I should ask Tripp - He's great to talk to and really takes the time to handle all of  my questions. It's associates like him that make shopping here such a nice experience."

And guess what? Nobody cares what I think. Nobody at all. Because simply thinking a nice thought about someone else and keeping it all to yourself is the biggest useless secret you could ever pointlessly hang onto.

I thought about how many times I had marvelous thoughts about someone in my mind and never said it out loud. What a waste. 

I then considered that most people probably do the same thing - keep the positive comments, compliments and polite gratitudes to themselves. What a ridiculous practice. It's like:

1. Buying someone the perfect Christmas present and rather than giving it to them, throwing it away
2. Meeting the person you are sure is the love of your life and never speaking to them
3. Solving world hunger...And telling no one. (courtesy the movie: The Grinch)

Pointless. Thinking a wonderful thought about someone and keeping it to yourself is completely useless.

Who cares what you think if no one knows about it?

Who cares what you think if you don't do anything with your thought...Such as telling them?

I thought about all the times I appreciated someone and carelessly kept it to myself. How many times had that happened? How many times could I have let someone know what a great job they were doing...or how much talent they had for what they do...Or simply, how nice it is to be around them? What a waste.

Well, not this time. This time my thoughts would not be in vain.

No one was going to care about what I was thinking, and most importantly, no one would benefit from my thoughts until I did something with those thoughts.

I quickly rushed to the check out (after purchasing a fair amount of rosemary ham from Tripp that was not on my mental list) and settled in front of my computer to write the store manager of Whole Foods a letter about what a valuable team member Tripp is. I told them how Tripp listens carefully to the needs of his customers, genuinely enjoys talking to them and never fails to thank them for stopping by.

This time, people would care about what I thought - Because I chose to do something about my thoughts.

362 more stories to go.  If you like what you see, feel free to post your comments, subscribe or pass this along.

Thank you for reading,

- Dolores McKay

Total Garbage

Day 2 of the quest and I've already succumbed to my need to demonstrate my imperfections. My  story from May 6th did not post. That would have required saving it properly. I failed to meet that requlrement and lost it instead of posting it. Brilliant.

My apologies. The quest continues. I will double up my postings over the weekend and get the stories back on track. 

Wednesday, May 5th: Today I discovered if necessity is the mother of invention, than frustration is its large, over-bearing aunt.

A very challenging day filled with people behaving badly (in my opinion), I found my frustration level rising on a number of issues big and small--And all situations I had zero immediate control over their actions. An emotional response continue to well up inside of me as I repeatedly thought: "They don't have to do that. Why don't they just..."

And that's when I caught myself. I was using the four-letter J-word: 'just'. Plus, there was nothing useful in that thought at all. In fact, it was total garbage.

1. The word 'just' is a bad, four-letter word. It diminishes everything around it or adds unhelpful judgment. A funny thing -- Every time I say the word 'just', I find I need to repair my thinking to something more useful. Every time.
2. Nobody 'has to' do anything. No matter how much someone should do something, no matter who else it affects --The reality is that nobody has to do nothin' -- Their life and in one way or another, the lives of those around them is created by what they choose.
3. 'They' means someone is separate from you. Nothing wrong with that, except when it comes to the fact that we share one world. 

Everybody in the world...at some time...is busy messing something up for everyone else. -- Present company included. It's everyone's responsibility to help clean up the mess -- No matter who created it.

I'm driving along a Scottsdale street surrounded by beautiful, untouched Sonoran Desert landscape. The car right in front of me, at 55 miles per hour, rolls down his window and tosses his Starbucks cup onto the shoulder of the road. Are you kidding me? Thoughts of direct responses ran through my head:

1. Tell 'Mr. I'm too busy and important to take 5 seconds and dispose of my trash responsibly' what I thought about his actions
2. Force him off the road and make him go back and pick it up
3. Call his mother

That did it. I was super frustrated. And then I realized, "If I can't control what someone just did, I can control what I do next." Eureka! Thanks to my frustration, I knew what I had to do -- Get rid of the garbage.

I am now the proud expectant parent of a Scottsdale road -- a least a 2 mile stretch of a road for 2 years. I have applied to the Adopt-A-Road program. If you are not familiar, the program, here's the basic idea:

Adopt-a-Road program was created in 1993 by a group of volunteers concerned about litter on the city's roadways. Currently, Scottsdale has over 100 volunteer groups that are responsible for the clean up of many miles of roadways. These volunteer efforts help to beautify our City all while providing a service that saves money that would otherwise be spent to clean the roadway.

Volunteer Groups Make the Following Required Commitments:

• Commit to at least a two (2)-year period to the litter pick-up of a specific assigned roadway in either a one (1) or (2) mile increment.

• Commit to a minimum of three (3) litter pick-ups per year

And it's free. There is no monetary donation required to get involved. And even better,will be the Clean-Up Crew parties that are planned for after getting out there and making Scottsdale a little more lovely. (I'm an experience designer...of course the day will be made into a full-blown event). More on this later if you're interested in joining us.

So my paperwork is in, and now I wait to find out the exact location of my adopted road. I will let you know as soon as I do. And keep your eyes peeled for the Five-Foot Nothin' signage along the side of the road. Remember to drive really carefully down that stretch -- I'm pretty small and easy to miss...

Interested in adopting a road yourself? Here's the info:

Judy Melton, Program Coordinator
Phone: (480) 312-3111
Fax: (480) 312-2888

Email: Neighborhoods@scottsdaleaz.gov 

363 more adventures to create. If you like what you read, please feel free to post your comments here, subscribe and pass this along. Thanks for reading.

- Dolores McKay