Five-Foot Nothin'

Daddy

June 20th - (Representing May 12th) and Day 11 of the quest. (If this is your first time reading Five-Foot Nothin', read post 'Blowing It' for quest explanation). 

Parents: A touchy topic for many and a subject that is often considered 'too personal' to openly discuss. That is usually the rule. And I've never been very good with rules, so here we go...

Some people are blessed with a relationship with their father that is close, comfortable and filled with mutual admiration.

Others, have a strained-at-best relationship with their dads -- filled with unspoken tension and issues large and small that might never see the daylight of discussion.

And then there are the truly unfortunate ones -- With fathers who were hurtful, destructive or never bothered to show up in the lives of their children or the mothers left to raise them. Biologically, those men are still fathers -- And it is my sincere hope that if the latter is your circumstance, you find peace and resolve with your father while you two still have breath.

But today, I want to focus on the men who deserve the title of 'Daddy'. The honorable men who have truly given their lives to the children in their lives. These men may or may not be the biological father of the children they love and care for, but they are one of the greatest unsung heroes those children will ever have the unspeakable privilege of knowing. It is these men that deserve our praise today...Along with the women in their lives who honor them and the children who love them.

I wrote this a year ago, and today, send it out to 30 fine men who I believe, for one reason or another, might be blessed by the message.

Whatever your circumstance, I hope you have the chance to bless a father today with your words of encouragement. They deserve and need our help, honor and praise -- From all of us -- Their children, parents, wives, girlfriends, friends, co-workers and squash buddies. Really. Everyone. It's a tough job, but a priceless one. And their children -- And the world they inherit depends on it.

Daddy

To be a father
Requires a child
To innocently rely on strong hands
That reach for all you want, all you need
Until your own fingers can grasp your heart's cry

A child to crawl, to walk
And run into his open arms
Until the day you choose to run far past him
And fall into his arms once again upon running back

It requires a man to discipline you
Resent his authority over you
Take your mind’s blame for all the wrong in your life
Until you take responsibility for your own actions
And he forgives you

A man willing to fall short in his ambitions
To see yours stretch without limitations
Until the time his perception of success is redefined
And regret is released into greater joy

It requires a woman
To love the extraordinary part of him
That lives and grows within her
Until the moment its miraculous beauty draws breath of its own
And she sees him as more of a man each day he holds his child

A woman to adore the gift
He has given the entirety of the world
And the undeniable reflections
Of his strength and character

To love his irreplaceable role as a champion
To her most precious treasures
Even in times he does not adore her
Until the end of time itself

To be a father
Requires his supreme strength
Immeasurable devotion
Ultimate humility
His dedication of self to another life
Without the ability to control their actions
Or protect their destiny
Until the very last sigh of his breath

To be a father
Requires a world that acknowledges
His blood is no longer his own
Flowing for and within another
Who is meant to continue
His great work beyond his days

A promise that we who surround him
And his priceless gems
Will hold his children in a place worthy
Of his love and sacrifice
In all the corners of their world
He cannot reach
But we all influence

To be a father
Requires of us all
Love and respect
Our undying commitment
To honor an extraordinary man
Whose countless accomplishments
Can never be fully proclaimed
But instead, invisibly and enduringly
Forge a silent hero

            - Dolores McKay

354 more adventures and stories to go in the quest. If you like what you read, please feel free to post your comments, subscribe or pass it along. Thank you for reading...

Mother of Real Men

Sunday, May 9th and Day 6 of the quest. (If this is your first time reading Five-Foot Nothin', read post 'Blowing It' for quest details)

It's Mother's Day and I'm looking forward to an indulgent brunch with my kids at Ocean Prime. An experience prompted by my son, Brendan's suggestion (his current place of employment) and lured by the promise of blueberry stuffed French toast and lobster Benedicts -- I had much to anticipate.

Above the enjoyment of great food, it was touching that my son wished to treat his Mom at 'his place' -- Very cool. It is wonderful to catch a glimpse of your children's world outside of...you.

Without question, my favorite part of visiting my son's work is observing how his managers and co-workers respond to him. Watching their genuine positive reaction to his presence, I can see that he is truly an important and enjoyable part of the team. That means a lot to me and makes me incredibly proud.

And then there have been the wonderful moments when his managers have gone out of their way to sincerely tell me how terrific my son is -- How much Brendan adds to the team and what a fine young man he is. Well, it doesn't get any better than that.

That got me thinking...Besides the cards and tender words from my children, the best Mother's Day gift a woman could get is to hear from someone else -- without solicitation or gain -- what wonderful people her children have grown to be. After all, that is the whole point to motherhood: Having the privilege and responsibility of helping a little person come into the world and lovingly preparing them to live out their own purpose in the world outside of yours.

And so, after a decadent brunch with my children filled with blood orange mimosas and handcrafted gifts (beautiful), I spent a few moments alone and sat down to write a card for another mother. A mother I have never met.

She is a mother in Alabama who raised three sons. Three extraordinary sons that grew to be real men. And a couple of those men have forever changed my life for the better.

I met these brothers last year out of complete chance (if you believe in such a thing as 'chance').

Not long after we met, I learned these brothers were coming to the aid of a family desperately trying to solve a life crisis. They opened up not only their hearts, but their home and all other generosities to their friend in need, their entire family and traveling friends. It was a beautiful gift to the family that few would ever entertain, let alone commit to doing for an extended period of time. Although I appreciated their character before, I was quickly educated how truly special these men were. It was beautiful but painful, inspiring but humbling and a true honor to watch their story unfold and know with all certainty, how irreplaceable these men were.

Then, the unexpected crept into my life and the bottom slipped out from underneath me for a bit. And without much warning, I found myself the beneficiary of the strength and character of these two men. And with all their generosities, perhaps the greatest gift I have received from them, is the privilege of  a front row seat to learning more about why they are such extraordinary real men.

There is the Iron Man -- both of body and mind, who ensures that both his body and life acumen are stronger every day. With a personal story worthy of documentary on HBO or ESPN, his level of commitment to not just being his best...but being continually better...is inspiring. And while his athletic commitments have him running 20 miles a day quite often, he equals that diligence by studying deep into world issues -- dusting aside surface facts to uncover deeper truths. And then there is his commitment to his friends. Loyal, trustworthy and kind, there are countless many who benefit from his fierce friendship.

His brother is the Superhero. At least, that's exactly how he appears to me...without the cape and tights.  It seems whenever sinister forces threaten my  well-being -- whatever the situation -- he is right there. A record-holding former collegiate athletic star (maybe he can leap tall buildings in a single bound), he was born with the heart of a champion that is obvious today in every aspect of his life and character.  With seemingly superhuman positivity supplying enough wattage to electrify a major metropolitan city, the world is much brighter wherever he is. Armed in a rare honesty and grounded values that seem to make him impervious to bullets of  vanity, greed and deception -- His presence is the safest, most desirable place to be. One of the most diligent people I have ever met, he lifts a locomotive-sized load of responsibility  every day -- Lending a hand to anyone else without prompting. Disguised in humility, he can't fool me. Every day I see through his secret identity a little more and catch him in the act of being the most remarkable person I've ever met. I gratefully learn from him each day.  

There are no words to express my gratitude to these to great men -- I'll keep trying, but in truth, none at all could ever do justice. 

However, the least I can do is let the mother of these remarkable real men know she has some extraordinary sons that make the world a better place to live for me and so many others. Happy Mother's Day, Cecile.

358 more adventures and stories to go. Thanks for reading. If you like what you saw, please feel free to post your comments, subscribe or pass it along.

-Dolores McKay

Born For More

Saturday, May 8th and Day 4 of of the quest.

It's my daughter, Francesca's 14th birthday. And while formal plans for a proper celebration would not be on that day due to scheduling conflicts of family members, the day -- in my mind -- is clearly hers.

I am not the mother that regales her child every year about the details of their birth. Unlike movie stereotypes, I do not annually recount the moment I went into labor, how many pushes it took to bring her into the world, etc. Not that I do not remember all the graphic details vividly, it is simply that I wish to focus on one particular moment about the birth of my children: The moment I met them face to face and was unspeakably overjoyed.

That is the moment I celebrate every year on their birthdays. And every year there is more to celebrate. Because they are so much more. More than I could have ever imagined.

Being a kid is tough business. All of the expectations...From teachers, parents, siblings, coaches, etc. And being 14 is really rough. I mean, it is "How did I ever live through it?" really, brutally rough.Now come all of the expectations of your peers. Are you cool enough? Are you 'too cool'? 

And then there are your 'friends'. Or at least the people who used to be until they decided that you are no longer 'friend material'. And beyond the friend realm, you have to wonder, "Am I girlfriend/boyfriend material?" (Although I firmly believe 14 is too young to date).

Practically everything you are doing at that age, you are doing for the first time. Which also means the probability of you messing up is pretty high. And since your 14 year old peers have an underdeveloped sense of compassion at that age, there are plenty of people around to point out all of your short-comings. No question about it: When you are 14, you have it rough.

I watched my daughter put a lot of pressure on herself that day not to let anybody down. And while there were certainly gifts planned for her, I realized there was one gift I desperately needed to give her.

As parents, it is our job to set clear and firm expectations for our children so they don't run around terrorizing the planet. We do it because we care, and we want them to grow up with every skill necessary to live a long, healthy and happy life.

But the fact of the matter is, that most kids hear too much about the expectation - specifically where they fall short - and not nearly enough about how they have exceeded our expectations. How much more they are than we could have imagined on the day they were born.

And so, my birthday wish for Francesca is for her to know she is MORE...more than I hoped for in many ways, and...if she's anything like how most of us were at 14, more than she knows...

Francesca, You are:

1. More beautiful than what any boy could possibly tell you. So many will try - All will fall short. Period.
2. More giving than what you can currently give. I know someday, when you have yours, you won't keep more than your share.
3. More compassionate than what some would advise. Fortunately, you know whose advice NOT to take. Your heart is immense. (please remember to protect it)
4. More forgiving than I think you should be. And then I remember you were born to teach me a few things...like to remember to forgive even those who might make you sad. Hard for me to remember that one.
5. More inquisitive than some would like. Too bad for them - They could learn a lot from your questions
6. More charming than your father would like. You're going to give him a heart attack.
7. More passionate than most. Good. Great, actually. Most people (unfortunately) are not nearly as engaged in life as they should be.
8. More clever than you should be for your own good. Remember to use your powers for good, not evil. I trust you'll always strive to.
   
9. More aspirational than you talk about. I know you have dreams you don't mention (I want your dreams for you, too) I've always thought it was more important to DO IT than to talk about what you are going to do anyway...
10. More hopeful than you get credit for. One has to have great hope to feel great disappointment sometimes - Good for you for letting yourself hope - even if it leads to disappointment.
11. More strong than you know.
12. More playful than some can handle. Whatever. Fun-suckers. I hope you keeping playing...and laughing for the rest of your life.
13. More talented than you've had a chance to discover. There are so many things you have a talent for that you haven't even tried yet. It will be so much fun to watch you find them.
14. More irreplaceable than you will ever know. Life without you is unimaginable and would no longer be my life. Your presence, hopes, dreams, disappointment, accidents and successes - I would trade for nothing in the world. I couldn't. You are truly irreplaceable.

Happy Birthday, 'Ces...

360 more adventures and stories to go. If you like what you read, please feel free to post your comments, subscribe or pass it along. Thanks for reading.

- Dolores McKay