Born For More

Saturday, May 8th and Day 4 of of the quest.

It's my daughter, Francesca's 14th birthday. And while formal plans for a proper celebration would not be on that day due to scheduling conflicts of family members, the day -- in my mind -- is clearly hers.

I am not the mother that regales her child every year about the details of their birth. Unlike movie stereotypes, I do not annually recount the moment I went into labor, how many pushes it took to bring her into the world, etc. Not that I do not remember all the graphic details vividly, it is simply that I wish to focus on one particular moment about the birth of my children: The moment I met them face to face and was unspeakably overjoyed.

That is the moment I celebrate every year on their birthdays. And every year there is more to celebrate. Because they are so much more. More than I could have ever imagined.

Being a kid is tough business. All of the expectations...From teachers, parents, siblings, coaches, etc. And being 14 is really rough. I mean, it is "How did I ever live through it?" really, brutally rough.Now come all of the expectations of your peers. Are you cool enough? Are you 'too cool'? 

And then there are your 'friends'. Or at least the people who used to be until they decided that you are no longer 'friend material'. And beyond the friend realm, you have to wonder, "Am I girlfriend/boyfriend material?" (Although I firmly believe 14 is too young to date).

Practically everything you are doing at that age, you are doing for the first time. Which also means the probability of you messing up is pretty high. And since your 14 year old peers have an underdeveloped sense of compassion at that age, there are plenty of people around to point out all of your short-comings. No question about it: When you are 14, you have it rough.

I watched my daughter put a lot of pressure on herself that day not to let anybody down. And while there were certainly gifts planned for her, I realized there was one gift I desperately needed to give her.

As parents, it is our job to set clear and firm expectations for our children so they don't run around terrorizing the planet. We do it because we care, and we want them to grow up with every skill necessary to live a long, healthy and happy life.

But the fact of the matter is, that most kids hear too much about the expectation - specifically where they fall short - and not nearly enough about how they have exceeded our expectations. How much more they are than we could have imagined on the day they were born.

And so, my birthday wish for Francesca is for her to know she is MORE...more than I hoped for in many ways, and...if she's anything like how most of us were at 14, more than she knows...

Francesca, You are:

1. More beautiful than what any boy could possibly tell you. So many will try - All will fall short. Period.
2. More giving than what you can currently give. I know someday, when you have yours, you won't keep more than your share.
3. More compassionate than what some would advise. Fortunately, you know whose advice NOT to take. Your heart is immense. (please remember to protect it)
4. More forgiving than I think you should be. And then I remember you were born to teach me a few things...like to remember to forgive even those who might make you sad. Hard for me to remember that one.
5. More inquisitive than some would like. Too bad for them - They could learn a lot from your questions
6. More charming than your father would like. You're going to give him a heart attack.
7. More passionate than most. Good. Great, actually. Most people (unfortunately) are not nearly as engaged in life as they should be.
8. More clever than you should be for your own good. Remember to use your powers for good, not evil. I trust you'll always strive to.
   
9. More aspirational than you talk about. I know you have dreams you don't mention (I want your dreams for you, too) I've always thought it was more important to DO IT than to talk about what you are going to do anyway...
10. More hopeful than you get credit for. One has to have great hope to feel great disappointment sometimes - Good for you for letting yourself hope - even if it leads to disappointment.
11. More strong than you know.
12. More playful than some can handle. Whatever. Fun-suckers. I hope you keeping playing...and laughing for the rest of your life.
13. More talented than you've had a chance to discover. There are so many things you have a talent for that you haven't even tried yet. It will be so much fun to watch you find them.
14. More irreplaceable than you will ever know. Life without you is unimaginable and would no longer be my life. Your presence, hopes, dreams, disappointment, accidents and successes - I would trade for nothing in the world. I couldn't. You are truly irreplaceable.

Happy Birthday, 'Ces...

360 more adventures and stories to go. If you like what you read, please feel free to post your comments, subscribe or pass it along. Thanks for reading.

- Dolores McKay

Comments

[Debbie Elder]

Dolores, for some reason I did not see your response to me about getting together. Let's try again. Write me at debbie@debbiejelder.com this time. I can't wait to see you.

[Cccrandall]

Delores,

It is so good to see a parent who believes in the power of words......and uses them. To date, I have traced the meaning of names and detailed how our kids' personalities "fit" their name. And, as with words, I hope I use them to inspire, motivate, and touch deeply. Thank you for sharing. Your words describe a beautiful woman who will navigate the rough waters of adolescence with a grace and maturity that exceeds her age.

Blessing,
Candace